How to Dance Like an Architect

Architecture, as all architects like to remind everyone, can be a stressful profession. Long days, late nights, indecisive clients, too-decisive clients, permit issues, legal issues, software problems, contractor problems… all combine to generate a high-pressure work environment. So, when architects get a chance to let loose and relieve some of that pressure, they really let loose. Here are a few moves to get you dancing like an architect:

The Turtleneck Shuffle

Donned in your usual black turtleneck, this move is based around limited arm movement and gradual overheating. With arms pinned to your sides, try to get as much going in the leg department as your Birkenstocks allow. This can get looser and slower as your body temperature rises. The turtleneck must stay on at all costs. It’s all about commitment to the aesthetic.

The Renderer

It’s hard to say for sure whether or not this move was born from carpal tunnel syndrome, but either way it’s a hit with CAD monkeys and photoshop whizzes alike. With elbows pressed firmly to your sides, swing your forearms from side to side in a windscreen wiper motion as if you’re going hard with that eraser tool.

The All-Nighter

Dance like you’re finally free after an end of term critique, but you haven’t slept for three days. Eyes closed, body all floppy, the closer your fingers are to the floor the more convincing this move becomes. If you really want to prove how dedicated you are to the cause, you can actually fall asleep on the dance floor, claiming the coveted title in the who-has-the-most-unhealthy-work-culture-in-architecture-(dance)-battle.

The Client Waltz

Architects who favor this dance can be seen spinning around in circles until they end up where they started. In your own attempt, make some of these circles deceptively wide, so you think you’re making progress, until you hit the same spot all over again.

Burning Down the House

Inspired by architecture-related hits, Burning Down the House is all about anarchy and demolition. Jump up and down, thrash around, and make like Howard Roark about to explode something.

The Virtual Realtor

Grope aimlessly at the air and bump into people. Move suddenly out of the way of unseen objects. Occasionally stand still for minutes at a time just moving your head around slowly.

The Drawing Board

One for the older architects and younger architects nostalgic for a different time. Bend back and forth from the hips and stick your arms out at a right angle. Adjust arms in incremental movements in time with the music.

And finally…

The Architect Classic

Go around the room pointing out interesting details and spatial conditions. Be highly critical and use words like “program” and “parti,” which seem confusing in the context of a bar. Make sure you remind everyone how important architects are and how we could basically save the world if someone would just let us already.

Now, dance like you just received an occupancy certificate!

Images for this article were kindly provided by Andrea Vasquez.